Projekt-Z

Well, it's been ten years...

Honestly, I'm not sure what I expected to happen when I first joined. I do remember that I was suggestes this site by someone during something like a field trip; I think it was a college tour, or something. I know I remember WHY I joined though. THAT reason was to keep in touch with someone, who ultimately told me I wasn't worth it, even though I had known them for a while prior.  After that, I managed to start making friends from places I didn't know existed, which was a thrill at the time.

Then, I got into some small role play groups, hoping to increase my levels in both drawing and writing. But, being new to everything kinda halted progress. In the course of my first five years here, when I was the most active; I made friends, lost other friends, supported people, and fell in love a couple of times. While I would like to make a special thank you or something for the important folks I met along the way, I'm not even sure they're still here anymore...

I kinda disappeared from dA shortly after the premiums became "core" and then they dropped the cool "dA" logo for the stupid lookin thing they have now. I think that was 3 or 4 years ago... I wasn't happy with myself around that time either and my already shoddy drawing/writing schedule was taking major hits for it. I considered quitting art a lot in the later parts of the decade I've had this account and a lot of folks encouraged me not to give up. One in particular stands out because she had a little let's play channel going at one point. Don't remember what happened to that channel, and I can't remember that woman's name. But I hope she's doing okay... Another lady I recall, was planning a manga of her own... I can't recall the actual title but it had to do with... "Dolce" or somethin. She was a pretty good friend of mine and I really hope she's doing great, even if we haven't spoken in years.

I really do miss the few folks I used to keep in touch with here. But I have no idea if they're still here. Maybe when I have more time, or when I return... I'll go through my lists and check up on everyone if I can.

There are a few things I'd like to do differently but the past is in the past. I'll eventually come back and share some stuff with anyone who remembers me prior to my unannounced hiatus. I'll be back soon... But for now...

Here's to TEN YEARS on Deviant Art.

...Well, this message is for a very important person... I doubt she'll even read it though, or even care that I took time to do this, but it's been on my heart for a good while and I finally have the courage to face this and share this with all who will read it... I'll start from the beginning... and then explain why I'm doing this...

This girl, well woman now, was the first cursh I've ever had. I don't know why I was so fixated with her, but I was, ever since the first time I spotted her, when I was in the third grade...

I got a drawing from her a couple years later, through her younger sister, which was of Sonic, from an artwork of him as depicted in Sonic Adventure 2. At the time though, I didn't know it was from her, since I asked her sister to get a picture for me, which she sort of did, and I had to pay a dollar for it. But I didnt care. You know how young kids are... they say something until they get what they want. I remember that once I got the drawing and I gave her the dollar she said "My sister drew that, not me." I didn't really care, since I got a drawing of Sonic, who was my favorite character at that time... But I lost that drawing and the notebook that I had it in when my mom's van was stolen.

When I got to 7th Grade I had classes with her youngest sibling, her brother, and that's when I found out how they were all related.

A few years later though, when I was just entering High School,  I finally had a class with her. It was a short lived experience, since I was a stupid little kid then and didn't know how any better. But I managed to talk to her and we sorta hung out a little. I really liked her character designs and her art style in general, which pushed me to draw more. (This was when I was just starting out with artwork for real instead of tracing things)

We hung out and spent time together, well, including my other friends, and I did manage to talk to her alone sometimes, during class and outside class, during intermissions and changing classes, and sometimes after school when I tried out Robotics for the first time.

Sometime after the halfway point of Freshman year, I asked her to draw a bunch of stuff for me, including a few girl characters, just so I could sit a watch her work. Which she did, and did pretty fast too. A total of five drawings in less than thirty minutes, I was amazed at the time, and if I find the artworks again, I may share them...

The end of my freshman year, she graduated. I had gotten to be great friends with my very first crush, and I began to realize why I liked her so much, I feel I have a better understanding of that now... However, when she graduated, I felt sad, and I cried that day she told me too. Because I had "lost" someone else I had cared about, as my grandmother died the year before.

A couple more years passed and I met a friend that had ties to this girl, and I got a bit more hopeful. I'd obtained her number from this friend that we both shared now, and chatted with her a little, via text messages, but the next day, she told me that her boyfriend started acting crazy and that I'd gotten her in trouble with him... and that it would be better if we didn't speak to each other again. And we didn't... Though I did manage to get an apology to her about causing problems with her boyfriend, she was still adamant about us talking again.

I think it was a few months later after that, that I'd gotten the suggestion to start a DeviantArt. I did, and I'd wanted to show her, my crush, that I'd been working to improve, however, that didn't come out the way I'd hoped, as she blocked me almost immediately.

Yeah, I was hurt for a while, but even tually I'd gotten over it. I just felt the need to get this off of my chest now, since I'm failry certain that this will have no meaning to her whatsoever, but she is one of the people who inspired me to improve at this art stuff, and she's played a very important part in my growth as an artist, simply because I wanted to impress her, at first at least.

All in all, Myabun you probably knew this already, but I've had a massive crush on you for years, and I'm sad that things turned out the way they did, but I'm gald I got to spend some time with you at the least and become friends with you...

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday... I really do hope you have a good birthday, I honestly hope that I haven't put a damper on anything for you on this special day, as that is not what I intend with this... I just wanted to thank you for all that you've done, becuase if it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't have even gotten this far... so thank you... and Happy Birthday... I wish you many, many more too.